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The Thirteen Friends you'll Meet in Secondary School

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I just don’t get on with girls. I’m dead serious. After attending an all-girls school for the entirety of my teens - no we weren't all lesbians or devoutly religious or even particularly pleasant to one another, get your head out of the gutter – I think it’s safe to say I've had my fair share of temperamental best friends. And left seven years later - thankfully in one piece - with a grand total of one best friend and a heck of a lot of unsavory experiences that will forever be seared on my brain.

In this post I'm going to teach you the thirteen friends you'll meet in Secondary School, show you how to spot them and pass on my infinite wisdom about what their future holds. Or, at least make you giggle in the process. Make sure to comment below letting me know which friend you are!

Friend #1 – The Leaver
You remember that girl you met on your very first day with whom you clicked instantly and you’re going to be like sisters forever and – yeah, well, she leaves and moves to New New Zealand or something.

Friend #2 – The Bookworm
There’s always that one quiet girl sat with her head in a book who would much prefer a quiet night in with her cat and a cup of tea than going bowling with her friends. Known for actually paying attention in class and always knows the homework. Never lose her. She knows things.

Friend #3 – The Criminally Insane
I’m talking about the girl whose ideal Saturday night consisted of running from the police with a bottle of cheap vodka, having her stomach pumped and dating those men that were twice her age. (N.B Most likely to end up in labour with their spawn at seventeen). Which leads me onto friend #4…

Friend #4 – The Serial Cheat
This girl has so many boy’s number’s in her phone that she is starting to rival the Yellow Pages. Often bad with names and maths as has problems keeping count of the number of boys she has dated.

Friend #5 – The Weirdo
That friend who is so incredibly out there that the tether to the ship was cut long ago and now she just bobs along in her own little atmosphere talking about – stuff. Will often have her own blog.

Friend #6 – The Queen Bee
That girl who has the best hair, throws the best parties and is generally looked to as leader of the group (in my experience, may also be referred to as Friend #6 - The B*tch).

Friend #7 – The B*tch
This girl would sooner spill your secrets for a non-fat skinny latte than - well, anything. Best to avoid all together though are strong and loyal friends (to your face anyway...).

Friend #8 – The Try Hard
So what if this girl spends all her time at the gym, having her hair done and studying until her brain feels like it's going to explode? She can never quite live up to the expectations of her parents or that one effortlessly gifted friend. Can be easily identified by her busy schedule, enthusiastic responses and constant coffee sipping (well she does need to get up at 5am to fit all this in!).

Friend #9 - The Brain Box
Often seen in their natural habitat, the classroom. may also be associated with Friend #2 - The Bookworm. The Brain Box is innately gifted in maths and science but seems to never quite progress past stick men in Art & Design. Most likely to make something of themselves and end up at Oxford. Least likely to have a boyfriend - or life - before they graduate.

Friend #10 - The Athlete
This girl can run, jump and skip all without ruining that perfect high ponytail. Should always be accompanied by slow motion video and inspirational music. Most likely to be tall, leggy, have a beautiful athletic boyfriend and win every award on sports day.

Friend #11 - The Eco Warrior
Need I say more? Most likely a vegan and always in trouble with teachers for staging some form of protest involving the dinner hall. 

Friend #12 - The Artist
Known as messy and late and always doodles in class. The artist is someone who's always misunderstood and takes out her teen angst in Art & Design and English. Could put on their own art show at the age of fourteen. Likely to get into fashion or tattoos.

Friend #13 - The Toilet Girls
These girls are so named for their uncanny ability to hang around the toilet block during any and all school breaks. They come in three main categories. 1) The Self Obsessed - can be seen topping up their excessive lip gloss, hairspray and fake tan and taking selfies in the mirrors (what we've all done it!). 2) The Shady Girls - probably best not to know what they're up to... 3) The Smokers - often scary, yell at smaller children and wear excessive amounts of perfume to cover up stench of cigarettes - yuck!

 

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