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Last night I sat in bed slowly realising that 1) I have absolutely no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life and 2) that weirdly I am okay with that.


Image credit.

For four years now I have geared myself up to be some high powered psychologist with the leather couch and latest volume of the DSM sat on a dusty bookshelf in some calmly painted office somewhere. The truth is, I don't want that anymore and it's cost me £18,000 pounds to realise it. That is not to say that I don't love the study of psychology, I do and I never would have studied another degree. Those aspirations are just not me anymore.

In order to understand this, you must understand that from a very early age I had my life planned out. I was going to attend the local primary school and from there would need to pass the 11+ in order to attend my chosen secondary school which, naturally, I would stay on until sixth form and then pass through to university. There was no other option. Postgrad, assistant psychologist, clinical psychologist. Boom. With very little wiggle room. What I did not equate for was the slow and painful realisation of the immense pressure to achieve, to have to do well and to have to have your life all planned out. And if I've had to pay £18,000 to break free of that, then so be it.

I have no idea what I want to do. I attended university for the love of my subject and stayed for my aspirations (which no longer existed) so I quickly began to reassess what I did want to do. I regressed to my childhood job aspects: a dentist, a gladiator; and then those of my early teens: a graphic designer, a photographer, a journalist but realised it was more than that. I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life period. Your job does not define you and it is not a definitive thing.

But I think, right now, I'm okay with that. When it comes to applying for jobs at the end of the year I can apply to anything , everything and anything because I am no longer limited by this tunnel vision of the life I must lead or the strain I have to put on myself to get there. In many ways I am free for the first time and I like that, a lot.

I want to write for the love of writing, and do for the love of doing.
Not simply because someone says I must.

I know this was a little deeper and more life-based than my usual posts and I would love to know what you think of it. If you fancy a more fashion-based post why not check out my latest fashion haul over on Youtube?





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